Severance

Severance

The memories I have of you cannot be lost or faded

The joy of moments together with you will be cherished

Those memories are mine and will not be severed from my thoughts

I still want to watch you from a distance

Coz your happiness will bring a gleam in my life

Though I know that now your moments are only yours

I didn’t knew life has a paradoxical game

Even if there is anger and hatred on one side

There blooms love and tranquility on the other

Even if life has no meaning there is journey

Even if joy has ceased and hope vanished there is a role

Love has taught a dejected heart to wipe a melancholy life

Love teaches you many good things

But for some unfortunates one

It teaches you in a hard way

They say you have to always move forward in life

But what if the best moments are in past?

Sure you may not know future, but what is wrong in savoring past happiness

@loner

Living with a sore heart

The best medicine for sore heart is time, but time doesn't cure broken heart. It just teaches you how to live with your tears and sorrow.

--Loner

He and She

For him the dejection has  created sores in his heart and still her thought sooths his grief. For him love is transcendental, a locked gaze, a wave of emotions, her all over the world. It is all the objects pointing to a tired heart.It is all those repeated dreams , that always end with grieving note. It is the butterflies that use to tickle his stomach in vain. Love may not always be based on  happy feelings , great company and warmth. 

For him quest never ends. its was a continual emotional journey of decades. For him an its her for eons of time, so  he didn't really lost !  He will wait till his soul burns and fade away. All he wish now is that he doesn't forget her visage.

For him the news of her is a source of elation, picture of hers is like  moment of solace for a person on death bed.For him , its still a mystery why the paths didn't converged.For him all his life he wanted to experience love but she never rained on the burning earth. Even the alcohol in his head, lost in the  battle of nerves . She was much more potent than alcohol.

For him joy means her and her means joy.

For her ...... 

Nuptial Sulma - Wedding dress

Nuptial Sulma - Wedding dress 

The annual school picnic was always a frivolous affair. Our planning used to start a month ago. Primarily the subject of discussion was use to who will constitute the picnic group, what menu will consist for lunch. Badminton rackets, cardboard games, playing cards and yes a music box. Bollywood cassettes and sometimes western pop music. Michael Jackson , was a popular figure. Though I had no idea from where he was. His song "Beat it" was my favourite, even though I couldn’t understand a word from the lyrics.

Well on the d- day all dressed in casual clothes , faces all lit with beatitude I use to walk down till the town with my share of tuck to catch the bus. Venue was at a beautiful river side with plenty of trees , hard to find in a cold desert. So after settling down at the picnic venue. We want for a brisk walk, to snoop around the tents.

There I saw a sylph in a sulma , beneath a tree in front of a small brook. My inquisitive mind confronted to me go ahead, and see who she is. When I came close, and pretended to just walk by, I got know it was her. Those slender fingers which I was very familiar from the occasional glance at morning prayers, were attending to her hairs. She had made pigtail from her tightly woven hair and was wearing a beautiful silk sulma. And yes of course she was smiling. This was no ordinary sulma. It was a wedding sulma and she was getting ready to click some photographs. This was a usual affair among the girls, to carry multiple dresses either to click photographs on picnic or to change clothes. There were other girls in the group and I really don’t remember, who were they or what dress they were wearing. The only thing missing now was a rows of turquoise with a golden kau  (a hexagonal jewel box) in the centre to form the lovely peyrak. The eternal headdress of the women folk. It should be flanked by the two ear flaps, like a two little wings of an angel. On top of peyrak a long katak (a while silk scarf) would look wonderful. 

I didn’t wait till the sulma was captured in the film , as I might have drawn some attention. My that picnic experience was sublime bliss not because we had danced to the tune of Michael Jackson or played cards. It was neither  the swimming in the cool stream with all clothes nor the cardboard games. 

It just because I had sighted my Holy Grail.  

The winds of ochre desert and the glare of sun in the school alley had always kept my hopes unshaken and aspiration alive. Little they knew,that my mendacious dreams will cause those little invisible tears will roll down and drop to the ground.

What a wonderful words form Steven Taylor :-

“While youre far away dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever”

A wasted dream

A wasted dream

Yes we live in a cynical world, wherein aesthetic matters a lot. Be it choosing a potential mate or the fate of a flick all depends on looks. Susan Boyle has gone against this principle, but I am sure glamour will touch her. She is just one example, and we know exceptions do occur. Her internet video has now clocked 42 million hits. 

So does this show there are millions of people whose dreams had been wasted?

Check out video here 

This wonderful composition from Les Mis, the French musical, has become my instant favourite, as the little tiger has already turned my dreams to shame.

I dreamed a dream - Les Misérables

I dreamed a dream in time gone by 

When hope was high, 

And life worth living 

I dreamed that love would never die 

I dreamed that God would be forgiving. 

Then I was young and unafraid 

When dreams were made and used, 

And wasted 

There was no ransom to be paid 

No song unsung, 

No wine untasted. 

But the tigers come at night 

With their voices soft as thunder 

As they tear your hopes apart 

As they turn your dreams to shame. 

And still I dream he'll come to me 

And we will live our lives together 

But there are dreams that cannot be 

And there are storms 

We cannot weather... 

I had a dream my life would be 

So different from this hell I'm living 

So different now from what it seems 

Now life has killed 

The dream I dreamed.

Glimpse in Cold.

Glimpse in Cold. 

It was winter, and at my place, winters are harsh. At an altitude of 3600 meters above sea level in winters even the day temperatures barely cross the freezing point. There is a joke popular there, that goes like that we can easily fool a person who is not from my place into believing that at my place "spit freezes before it hit the ground" in those winter periods.

It is routine there to heat up the engine of a vehicle, else it won’t start. My routine also consisted of taking kerosene stove near our vehicle and our driver use to shove it inside under the engine of our gypsy. Fifteen minutes of flame and only then the gypsy would hum.

The reward for this exercise was driving lessons from Acho (brother), for a kid who has not reached his legal driving age. I could hardly reach for the accelerator and manage to see from the windshield simultaneously. But I wasn’t a bad driver at all. Even on ice, while the rear wheels would skid, I use to manage the vehicle. 

So it was another cold night, but I was looking forward. She was coming for supper with her parents and sister.The presence of her were always a beatitude, but how do I overcome the adrenaline rush, that was always a troublesome issue. My only antidote for that was to enjoy the fascinating smile from a distance.  

It seems she had no idea, that I was espying at her and enjoying the pleasant gleam and glow. She was flipping pages of our old album, but for me it seems the moment has frozen as the pictures in that album. 

But the moment was short lived and after dinner they started to head back home. And there we were outside, waving them goodbye and a good thing happened. Their car didn’t start. :-) It meant another few moments with her. I thanked the God for jamming her car's engine.

So it was decided we push the car. While I was pushing the car, I prayed. Don’t start! But this time my lady luck was sleeping. 

The car didn’t need my push as the engine was running.

Surprise Banjo lesson

Surprise Banjo lesson

As usual school proctors had to attend a briefing from the teachers for important event ahead. 

The briefing was in the school auditorium, which was newly built. I remember the days when the only the skeleton of auditorium was ready. It was all concrete pillars with steel running all around.

It was considered to be major feat, if any guy could scale pillar on one side of the wall,

walk through the steel structure and get down from other end of the hall.  I also achieved this feat, but it scared the hell out of me. The reason being the roof of the hall was more than 20 feets

away from floor and walking 20 feets above the ground on steel rods for person with acrophobia is a big deal.

A variant of banjo was kept on a table, this one you play like piano but you also pluck the strings using a plectrum. I was trying my hand at the instrument and it was nothing but a mixture of cacophonies. 

She comes to me with her alluring smile. I have never seen her without that extremely pleasant facial expression. She offered a lesson of few notes. I was elated, as for the first time I was so close to her. I watched her play the instrument from behind.  I don’t know what note she played or whether it was all together a note, but for me it sounded nothing less than Beethoven’s fifth symphony.

When I was at the Ludwig van Beethoven’s birthplace, somehow it reminded me my banjo lesson.

 

My name is there in the "Hall of fame" list in that very auditorium, which says I have won an academic battle. But there is also a list which says that I have lost a war. Although it is not displayed anywhere.

I wish I had taken some musical lessons from my from my musical maestro friend, he played almost all the instruments which were available around us at that time. He would play a bollywood number on tabla with ease or play a soothing composition on flute. He represented school, on musical competitions with his banjo, electronic keyboard, flute or tabla and won accolades.

May be if i had understood and tuned my musical notes then these lines of vestige wouldn’t have existed.

I have woken up from a wonderful dream. A beautiful dream as if it was painted by the hands of God. 

To Almighty -->

"I want to dream again."

To her -->

"No matter how much you loath me, I will be awake and waiting in this infinite cold."

Watch Austrian orchestra and opera conductor Herbert von Karajan perform Beethoven Symphony No. 5 , Allegro con brio and Andante con moto. 

The first and the second movement respectively.